


🎀NO MATTER WHAT🎀

by angrybirdcr



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Medical Conditions, Medical Examination, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Jargon, Medical Procedures, Medical Professionals, Mentions of Cancer, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27127874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrybirdcr/pseuds/angrybirdcr
Summary: “positive”… One test, one word that it would drastically change your life. In a world of heroes and superpowers you’re faced with a mortal silent monster. How will you reveal it to the man who had already lost so much?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Wanda Maximoff & Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written for October’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This fic DOES NOT intend to reflect an 100% accurate depiction of medical procedures, such as testing and treatments, including the processing times (even when I did my fair share of research), so it should be taken with a grain of salt. Although it briefly includes a few scenes tackling down early detection and prompt diagnosis, the focus lays down on the emotional weight it has on the patient and their families. 
> 
> **DISCLAIMER: This is for entertainment purposes only. I don’t own any rights on any Marvel character, except my own original characters. Pictures are just for reference and are taken from the internet, credits go to the respective owners. Edits are mine** 
> 
> WARNINGS: PG-13. Referenced medical jargon, descriptive medical procedures and breast cancer diagnosis, implied/referenced anxiety and depression, Hurt/Comfort and Angst with a happy yet uncertain ending. This Story is set post-Endgame, Bucky x Reader are in an established relationship and living together. IF ANY OF THESE TRIGGER YOU PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!
> 
> Note (*): Elijah’s face claim is actor Kellan Lutz , Michael’s FC is Daniel Dae Kim and Dr. Baker’s FC is Ryan Eggold

##  **_**Dedicated to every single brave woman who’s battled/battling against breast cancer**_ **

##  **_(Theme Songs):_**

  * **[Yo no me doy por vencido](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D7Qqj9sRvU44&t=NDA2ZjUzZjk3MTc4ZThjMWUyMmRkNGI3OGM5MTdlYWQ4YjI1YmZlOSw4ZTg2ODQxZDIxMWE2MzZkMTEzZDkxMzkxY2RjNmI3ZmZhZDY5ZTVk&ts=1603240209)** by Luis Fonsi ([ Official music video](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8hRGBcr_gJc&t=Y2VjZjIzYjA0YzFlMGY0ZDc1OWNlY2U1M2U0NGFiN2U3YTc0Y2QxMiw4Y2IyOTg5MzMzNjlhYjU4YTM2NDk5YzBiNjQ2MzA3OWEwZjI3NDlh&ts=1603240209)) 
  * [**Perfect Symphony**](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DeiDiKwbGfIY%26list%3DRD8hRGBcr_gJc%26index%3D8&t=Yzg3YzcxNDk1MTA4NzBmYWI1YzYxYjU2OTY3ZTM5ZjBlZjZmOWI2YiwwOWUzMGJiZGY1ODRiZDc0MDk0NmI3ZjZlODM3MTgyNTg0NWJjNjhh&ts=1603240209) by Ed Sheeran with Andrea Bocelli



##  **~~🎀~~**

##  _**Romania, 2014** _

You had met him during the time that he was a fugitive, running away from HYDRA’s clutches and away from the world, that only saw him as “ _Soldat_ ” -The Winter Soldier, elite assassin- and not just _Bucky Barnes,_ the man.

_Plums_

That’s how you bonded and what you connected over. He would always come to the market that you temporarily worked at, on the same day each week, at the same time, he would kindly greet you and display that beautiful smile that made you weak at the knees. 

> _[](https://imgbb.com/)_

> [ _*_ _*gif by kate from pinterest**_ ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/481533385150265031/)

_Vintage_

That’s what drew you both even closer, he never spoke to anyone but you. Somehow, you would always make him get into some type of small talk, especially over your passion with things of the past, _the music, the fashion, the art…_ And surprisingly he opened up to you. Always with the promise of a coffee date one day

_Until one day he didn’t come back_

His face was plastered over the news, and _then you knew_. Yet, something inside you told you that all those things that they said were not true. The kind man that you had come to know those months back told you the story of a broken man, filled with sorrow and pain but who’s heart was bigger than all of those trying to take him down. One day, you promised yourself, _you would see him again_

##  **~~🎀~~** _ **New York, 2023**_

_9 years_

That’s how long it took you to see him again. You no longer were the same woman that met him all those years ago, but the longing in your heart was all the more stronger. You never forgot him, even when you tried to move on and to have a stable relationship with someone, it never worked out. And only you knew why... _HIM_

_A teeth-showing and heartwarming grin_

That’s what he gave you when you met again. He was now a hero, the world finally recognized him as the brave man willing to sacrifice his life for the greater good. And despite his demons, you slowly managed to break down his walls. He finally was able to fulfill your long overdue coffee date, and _you loved every minute._ That was the first of many more; after endless teasing from his friend Sam and some wise advice from his now old pal, Steve, he fully accepted you in his life, and you did him. You owned his heart as he did yours, and he did not hesitate to, for the first time in his life, take a step forward on his own, because he desired so and because he could do so. 

_And he didn’t regret it_

_He put a ring on your finger, and you became Mrs. Barnes._

##  **~~🎀~~** _ **New York, August 2024**_

_1 year later_

One whole beautiful year together, you couldn't believe how much your life had changed. Sometimes it still felt like a dream, you had just celebrated your first anniversary and you couldn’t ask more of life. 

_But life ain’t easy, is it?_

The smile that was etched on your face thanks to the happy thoughts was quickly replaced by an unknown feeling that spread like fire over every cell of your body. You had just gotten out of the shower and, as usual, you dedicated a few minutes of your time in doing a breast self-exam. You stood there, in front of the mirror, braless and only with your panties on, like many other times before, you expected to find anything, except that this time things would be different.

_A lump_

There was a mid sized lump on your breast. And _it was not there before._ You were used to smaller ones, a few water cysts that years back your doctor had explicitly told you in your case it was a harmless recurrent occurrence. 

> _“You’re healthy Ms. There’s nothing to worry about those cysts, unless they unexpectedly change in size and you experience greater discomfort, then we could do something about it. However there’s something that you need to be aware of. I don’t mean to scare you but I’m obliged to inform you, according to your tests, it was brought to our attention that you have dense breast tissue...Women with dense breasts have a higher chance of getting breast cancer. The more dense your breasts are, the higher your risk. So, we must keep an eye on it, I expect to see you on my consult once a year for a full check up and you mustn’t forget to do your monthly self-exams. Please, don’t hesitate to come shall you have doubts or questions.”_

His words still echoed in your ears and haunted you every month when it was time for this. Yet, there was something different this time, _you could feel it_. As if expecting to be wrong, you did it once again, but the same result came back. Your breath hitched, blood pumped in your ears and your heart wildly pounded inside your chest… it can’t be, _can it?_ But you didn’t have time to ponder on it, a pair of hands circled around your naked waist. 

“ _Hmmm_ … what are you doing babe?” Bucky huskily said on your ear, evoking goosebumps to erupt on your skin as he peppered feather-like kisses “Are you admiring what’s mine?! Huh?!” A smirk on as his lips caressed every available inch for his enjoyment, something that was replaced by a worried frown noticing your unease “Is there something wrong doll?” He asked you, turning you over to face him

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

[GIF by **scrittoapenna**](https://scrittoapenna.tumblr.com/post/156183115863)

“ _Huh_..” You shook your head “ _No_ , don’t worry… you know I do this every month.” Your hands finding their way to the nape of his neck, your chest tightly pressed against his

“Oh, _yes I do…”_ His voice sending shivers down your spine, a moan passed your lips as he groaned on the crook of your neck “... _maybe_ , we should take this to the bed…” He suggested, you slowly detached from his tortuous embrace to watch his sly smirk.

“No, _Bucksie_...don’t think about it…” You said with a knowing look, his intentions fully on display “ _Noooo_!” You squealed as he threw you over his shoulder, that day he made you forget, _at least for that day_

##  **~~🎀~~**

_Two weeks_

That’s how long it passed before you returned to your earlier concerns, brought by a sudden redness and pain showing on your left breast. It was time to visit the doctor. Your nerves were wrecked, no matter how much you hoped for it to be just a scare, you felt fright filling your core.

_2 hours…_

You had to wait that long for your appointment, an oblivious Bucky was busy training new recruits at the HQ, as you attempted to conceal your emotions finishing your makeup with trembling hands. 

“Mrs. Barnes!” 

You took a sharp intake of air as you stepped inside the consultory. Ready for whatever it took to either remove or confirm your suspicions.

“Tell me, Mrs. Barnes, what brings you here today?” Your doctor, [Elijah Atkins](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F240731542570106757%2F&t=MzQ3MzExM2Y2ZGM1ZmYxNGE0NjExODNkMTljNmY5MTM5M2UxYTZjNixhZDE5MzdlNjhhMDU3YjM1NjU4NjAyMjZkY2RlNDJlOTZjYjUwMzZh&ts=1603240209), said with his typical heartwarming smile. 

“I’m worried about something I found on my self-exam…” You said biting your lip in nervousness as your heart hammered inside your rib cage. 

“Ok, first of all, take a deep breath. I can basically see your heart coming out of your throat… so let’s start there okay?” He softly said making you realize that you were holding a breath and were uncontrollably shaking, following his instructions to steady yourself. “That’s good, very good… _Now_ , before continuing, tell me why did you come alone?”

“I know that this isn’t the ideal, but my husband, _James_ , he has been through a lot… I couldn’t, I can’t let him suffer again. Unless we know for sure… I would like to keep this to ourselves," you said with a deep sigh, watching him take notes before entwining his hands and giving you a knowing look

“Okay, well you know that you don’t have anything to worry about. You are my patient so I’m legally and ethically bound to secrecy unless required otherwise.” His calm tone of voice soothed you “So, let’s get to it, what did you find?”

“There’s a hard lump that wasn’t there before. It just feels different. I dismissed it at first as another cyst but then an unexplainable redness and chest pain appeared. _I fear it to be bad news…_ ” 

“Let’s check it out, shall we?” He said pointing you towards the bed, next to the ultrasound machine. “I’m gonna take some notes while you change, I’ll be over in a few." You nodded, walking over to remove your shirt, wearing the light blue disposable gown. All thoughts floating your mind, almost missing Elijah’s voice. But, he was looking at you, he sighed gazing into your troubled orbs. He wasn’t just your doctor, he had become a good friend that you had the chance to occasionally meet for coffee, before your marriage that was, but nothing romantic ever happened. If anything he, somewhat, became a pseudo figure of a brother to you. 

“Look here _missus_ ,” he started, “I know the drill of this process. I’ve seen this many times and I’ve been both the bearer of good news and bad news, that’s why I can tell you that… even if the worst case scenario becomes true, _you’re not alone_. You’d have a whole team of professionals on your case and, based on the little that you’ve told me about your husband, he’s a wonderful man and you’d have a strong support group too.” He then lowly chuckled, probably based on the look that you were giving him, as if he had grown two heads.

“Why are you telling all of this?”

“ _Because_ … you needed to hear that, to know that. In my experience, most of the patient’s main obstacles in their diagnosis and eventual recovery, if found in fact ill, is the unfounded fear of the unknown and the lack of support to aid in the, many times, long waiting time part of the process.” You nodded, soaking in his words, a small wave of security and relief washed over you “ _Okay_?! With that out of the way, let’s take a look!” He said moving the gown to the side, exposing the area. 

“I originally felt the lump about two weeks ago but this just appeared about two days ago, it only worsened earlier today, when I called in for the appointment… _it hurts_.” You explained as he gave a quick glance over and touched it with his gloves covered hands, making you wince at a specific motion, you watched his expression contort into an unreadable wall. 

“Okay, please lay down for the ultrasound.” He softly said, pausing to let you adjust in place, “I’ve explained this before, when we diagnosed the cysts and dense breast tissue, this will help us to better determine an abnormality. But, please keep in mind that depending on the results, further tests might be required.”

“I understand,” You said as your voice betrayed you, coming out barely above a whisper. You nervously fidgeted around with your fingers as he warned you of the cold gel being poured over your chest.

_5 minutes_

_5 LONG minute_ s, that’s how long he moved the wand around, silent motions and careful measurements. 

“Something _IS_ wrong, isn’t it?” Dread filled every fiber on your being as you heard him sigh 

“I can’t lie to you,” He started, pointing to something marked on the screen “See this? Based on the hypoechogenicity, pattern and acousting shadowing, this mass doesn’t seem good.”

“ _Does_...does that mean that _is…_ ” You stuttered, unable to utter the words

“It could be benign but I cannot give you a diagnosis until running some more tests and seeing the results, but _it does look concerning to me_ ,” he finally said as he handed you over some paper towels to wipe yourself clean. You didn’t move, didn’t speak, he printed some pics and moved over “I’m gonna write some things down and to give you a minute so that you can gather yourself. Please, come out when you’re ready,” he calmly said, providing you with the brotherly warmth he always displayed. You sat down in front of him, as he slowly unglued his eyes from the screen and set them back to you. 

“I know how scared you must be feeling right now, it’s normal. But it’s my duty to reassure you that we’ll do the best according to our capabilities to figure this out together, okay?!” You simply nodded. “Now, there are two tests that we need to conduct in order to get a better view of what we’re dealing with. First, we’ll do a 3D Mammogram.”

“Okay… what does that entail?”

“To the contrary of a regular mammogram, a 3D mammogram takes multiple images, or X-rays, of the breast tissue to recreate a 3-dimensional clear picture of the breast. Based on what that shows, then we’ll be able to determine on whether or not a biopsy will be needed.” You heard him, grasping your head around it

“A bi...a biopsy?!” 

“In case if it’s needed. Not before that. My assistant will help you with the details for the 3D mammogram appointment. In the meantime, I advise you to try your best to remain calm…” 

“ _Okay_ …”

“I have to be honest Mrs. Barnes, I already told you that my lips are legally and ethically closed, but would you allow me to briefly talk to you as a friend?” You nodded “You’ve been my patient for how many years now? 8? 9 years? How much have we discussed besides medical jargon and shots? Huh?”

“ _Countless_ times…”

“Okay, then you know that at times I can be brutally honest, right?! Very well then, for all that I’m concerned, this suspicious mass could be benign, but what if it’s not?” He paused, “ I can see the wheels turning inside your head.”

“Is this when you send me over to the shrink?” You said chuckling, he did as well.

“No, but _I might consider it… t_ his will be a thousand times easier for you if you tell James. Despite what you might think of him and his past, I believe that you’re wrong.”

“Excuse me?”

“About no telling him, that is. I know that this is not my place to tell you, and that you might choose to kick me to the curb if you wish, but as my patient, I care about you and I must do what’s in your best interest. As a friend, I don’t wish to see you going through this whole process by yourself. So, please consider to include James on this, try to bring him with you to your next tests and appointments. You won’t regret it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s good enough for me!”

You stood up as if in a haze, as if your life was playing in a distant slow motion, the voices in the background were muffled by the noise in your brain. You got out of there and barely managed to get to the parking lot and into your car. As you closed the door, the walls finally broke down. 

_You cried_

Every tear told the story of a fear, of a hope. Elijah’s words echoing on your head, _should I tell Bucky?_. You thought about it a lot but then the real question was _could I tell him?_

##  **~~🎀~~**

_Jumpy_

That’s how Bucky had described you the past few days leading up to your test appointment. You had set an alarm for it, not that you could forget about it. But your nerves were wrecked for sure. All the possibilities, all the probable changes wandering around in your future, were muddling all thoughts processing.

Now, this was your secret to keep, at least for the time being. So, you tried your best to remain focused even though it was proving to be a tough task. Specially today, as you were hosting a small gathering with the guys for the first time in a while, Sam, Scott, Rhodes and Bruce were all coming for lunch. It was all going great, a nice and warm meal was on the table, even dessert was made and ready. You were just having a small chat and eating when your phone rang. 

“Aren’t you going to answer, doll? It seems important.” Bucky whispered into your ear, you just shrugged it off, silencing it.

_Missed calls_

That was a mistake, as it was careless to leave your phone laying around. It was never an issue, but seeing three missed calls with another man’s name popping up on the screen did not sit well with Bucky. Something stirred inside him. He trusted you with his life, but your recent odd behavior and now this too, raised an alarm. What was going on? was what he thought, he would never doubt your character but he could feel that there was something else that was bothering you and you were not telling him. He was a gentleman, so he wanted try to approach it timely. 

_And the moment came later that night_

You were getting ready for bed, sat in your beauty bureau doing your night face care routine when he dared to step forward as he stepped inside the bed. 

“Babe?” You hummed in reply. “May I ask you a question?”

“You just did _Bucksie_ …” You teased him with a smirk. 

“ _Smartsy_ …” He chuckled before turning serious again. “Doll," his soft voice went straight to your core, pulling at the strings of your heart. You stopped all motions, anxiously waiting to hear what he had to say, “Please, don’t take this the wrong way. You know that I love you with all my heart, but I’m concerned about you.”

“ _Concerned_?” At this you turned around to face him

“Yes, babe. I’ve noticed these past few days, if not weeks, that you’ve been tense, nervous even. Not like your usual self, you can tell me that I’m imagining things but… I'd just rather ask you." You hummed, anxiously encouraging him. “ _Who’s Elijah A._?” There was no accusation whatsoever on his voice, more of a rightful curiosity over the unknown man and whatever role he played. 

_Your throat went dry_

“So, he must be someone really important then…” He defeatedly sighed, locking his expectation filled eyes with yours. Your expression must have said it all. _“Your eyes…_ they always tell the truth. So, _who’s he?”_ You could hear the anxiety laced on his voice, you knew very well the insecurities surrounding his mind so it hurt you to know that you were causing him anguish this way. 

“It’s not what you think, _love_ …” you started, as you stood up to walk and seat next to him on the bed, you took his hand in yours “ _Elijah_ … he’s Doctor Atkins, my Gynecologist.” You explained with every ounce of honesty, as you felt him visibly relax at the familiarity of the last name attached to it, as he didn’t recall ever hearing his actual given name.

“Your _Gyno_? So, why was he calling you? Are you sick?” He caressed your cheek, watching you with worry filled eyes. Your heart grew impossibly bigger at his exuding warmth that tightly engulfed you in a protective embrace

“ _Oh_ , _love_ … I’m sorry I forgot to tell you that my annual checkup was due. He’s been my doctor for many years, so he was just making sure that I didn’t miss my tests.'' You felt an indescribable wave of calmness wash over you, you told him the truth, even though it was only half of it. You hated to keep secrets from him, but in this case you didn't want to unnecessarily worry him unless you had all the facts set.

“Tests? So, is it serious? Please, _doll_ , you _know_ that you can trust me with anything and everything. If there’s something that you need to tell me…”

“It’s okay, _love_. It’s just some routine exams that I must do every year. You know the drill…” Your hands cupping his face as you dropped a chaste kiss on his lips and resting your forehead over his, his hands now resting on your waist.

“ _Okay, okay_ …You would tell me if something was wrong, right?!” He asked, taking you aback. _Would you?_ At this moment, your mind was hazed with worry and doubts, filled with uncertainty. With all the unanswered questions and your conflicting emotions surrounding them, how could you even tell him yet? As if sensing your turning wheels, he said, “You would tell me.” Not wanting your voice to betray you, you simply nodded while nuzzling into the crook of his neck and reveling in the tingling currents erupting on your skin at the touch of his lips. Making you momentarily forget about the guilt that was eating you alive for not disclosing the whole truth to him, just _how would you be able to keep this hidden?_

[GIF by **sebbystanimagines**](https://sebbystanimagines.tumblr.com/post/160948612920/prompt-spending-the-early-hours-of-the-morning)

##  **~~🎀~~**

As the date of your appointment was fastly approaching, you were finding it harder to conceal your shattered nerves and weakened state of mind. After that eventful night and unexpected question from Bucky, it had become a monumental task to avoid spacing out in risk of him noticing it. That was the only thing that kept happening against your will, all the helpless _‘what ifs’_ where taking up the most of your time. 

> _What if it’s true? What will happen then? What if Bucky finds out? What will he do? What if I can’t hide it? What if I lose him to it?_

Every imaginable nonsensical question that your brain could come up with, lingered on the air. _Puzzles, Cooking, Gardening…_ You have tried it all to make sure that you remained focused, but it was one of the biggest challenges that you had faced so far. Not even work was as fulfilling as it once was. After marrying, Bucky had been firm on the fact that you could continue to work for as long as you wished, even when you no longer needed to do so because he would provide you with everything that you would ever need or want. Despite everything in their past, Tony did forgive him and at the end he had made sure he had him covered. You loved Bucky all the more for it, so thanks to that you now owned a small grocery store specialized in organic produce. You had two full time employees and a steady source of income. Part of which you dedicated a monthly stipend to charity and donations, something that you were both happy and proud of. But now, it felt forced. 

“Are you okay, doll?” Bucky suddenly appeared at the door startling you. You dramatically put your hand over your chest. 

“Jeez! _Buckyyyy_!” You squealed dragging the “y”. 

“ _Hmmm_ … I like the way you say my name,” He smirked, approaching you like if you were prey, groaning in appreciation as his lips connected to your neck, “But, you know where I like it more? _In bed_ …” He suggestively said tightly embracing you, inhaling your smell that always lulled him and reminded him of what he never thought he would have… _home_. 

_Alarm_

The one that reminded you that the day had finally come. Just three days after your initial worries awoke at Elijah’s office. You squirmed in his embrace, trying to reach for it and turn it off. 

“What is it?” 

“Oh, this!” You said pointing at your phone “It’s a reminder, I have somewhere else to be…” You teased him, you both always enjoyed doing that to each other. 

“Do you? Huh? And where would that be Mrs. Barnes?” He said pecking your lips. 

“ _Mmm_ … As much as I wish to stay like this, I have to go, my love. I’ll be back soon, I promise,” you kissed his cheek trying to slip away to get ready. “I’ll see you later," you said as you soaked in the comfort of his hug. Unknown to you, h _e knew something was wrong._

##  **~~🎀~~**

**A/N: Thank you for reading.** I know that this was set in their superheroes world, yet I tried to do my best to approach this topic in a realistic way. Please, keep an eye for the next (and last) part this week! In which a few detailed notes will shed more light on a few aspects of this fic including a very important reminder. In the meantime, I can tell you part of the inspiration for this fic was a dear friend of mine, _which we can call “N_ ”, who sadly lost the battle against breast cancer 2 years ago. _Whose life and legacy will never be forgotten_

_**As a side note, reader’s pre-diagnosis in the first scenes, it’s based on MY OWN personal experience.**_ Back on 2017 I noticed some lumps on my breasts so I immediately went to the doctor, an ultrasound revealed that I suffered from non-treatable cysts ( _meaning that there were no meds available that they could prescribe me to reduce them or to stop the uncomfortableness that came with it, other than to suggest me an alternative approach to help lessen the symptoms)_ But the Dr. also told me that on a closer study to my exams It was revealed that I have dense breast tissue that highly increases the risk to develop breast cancer. Because of it I must-do an obligatory annual breast exam and check up with my doctor . There’s a lot of available information in regards to this topic, like **_[THIS ONE](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mayoclinic.org%2Ftests-procedures%2Fmammogram%2Fin-depth%2Fdense-breast-tissue%2Fart-20123968&t=ZjlkYTQwNzZkMWY1NGJlZDczNjFkMTE3YjZkOTJlNWJlNGM1YzQ4ZSw3N2VjYmMzNzFhNWQ5YzExZWQzYTk4ODU1YmM3OWViMDEzMDkyMDE1&ts=1603240209)_**

##  **_THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!_** **!💖💖💖**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Special thanks to my mysterious angel 🕊💖**

##  **~~🎀~~**

You stood still as you reached the doors to the hospital. Your heart pounded inside your chest and your hands perspired in anxious wait. You gathered your courage and with a deep exhale you made your way inside. 

“Hi, I have an appointment for a 3D Mammogram.” 

“Yes, Mrs. Barnes. Come with me.” The kind assistant led you towards the designated room, where you were directed to change into a temporary gown, to remove any jewelry and to await for the technician. A few minutes later the technician came in. 

“Hello, Mrs. Barnes. My name is Jake, I’ll be your imagining technician today. I’m sure that your doctor must have given you a quick overview of the procedure. But I’m gonna give you a run up, okay?” You nodded as you stood up next to the machine, attentively watching him as he explained to you everything in detail “Well, a 3D mammography is also called a Tomosynthesis. It’s an imaging procedure in which an X-Ray moves in an arc over the breast taking multiple images from different angles. We’ll then compile them to create a digital recreation of the breast.”

“I understand."

“Very good, _now_ … I’m gonna help you to place your breast on this compression plate and this second one here will flatten it out to create an uniform thickness.” You nodded, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down. “Don’t worry, this is painless and a relatively fast process. It will only take a few seconds and as soon as it happens the plates will decompress. Once we’re done here you’ll be free to go.”

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

> [ _**pic by turbosquid on pinterest**_ ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F250864641732634973%2F%3Fnic_v2%3D1a4EvU2YO&t=YzlkZWY0OTdjNTBjYmYxMDc3ZDMyY2JlNmE5NDU5MTllYzY2N2ViNCw1YzgwNTJkODEzZDE0ZmEzYmRlMzljNWY1ZjE2MDA0YTVhMWI4OTk1&ts=1603397541)

It was exactly as he said it would be, no pain, just a slight discomfort from the compression, but nothing else. 

“How long will it take to know the results?” You asked him once you were dressed again.

“Normal processing takes just a few minutes, since these are synthesized images we can see them on the computer and they’re available for assessment right away. We have a radiologist on site and we also have a policy of immediate reading of the results. In your case, your reference states to send your results to your doctor’s office but if you request so, we can provide you an overview of them in a few minutes.”

You pondered on it for a few seconds, _do I really wanna know right away?_ Your anxiety levels were to the roof already, but then, _what good will it do to know if something is wrong if they can’t give you more answers?_ You had your appointment with Elijah set in a few hours anyways, _right_? But when did the brain conquer the heart? Against your better judgement, _you made a mistake_. 

“I don’t want the details right now but based on your personal experience, can you tell me? Shall I wait for good news? Or bad news?” You asked him, then you knew. A small shift on his demeanor answered your question before any words were uttered from his lips. 

_Oh_

_Oh no_

“I’m sorry Mrs. Barnes, I cannot give you an accurate diagnosis like a radiologist or doctor could, it wouldn’t be right or ethical of me. But, like I said, if you want, I can call the radiologist over.”

“I understand, I’m sorry to put you on the spot,” He just shrugged it off with a knowing look, how true it is that the eyes are the window of the soul. He didn’t need to say anything anyways, his eyes spoke for him “Thank You."

##  **~~🎀~~**

Now here you were, sitting in a small cafe nearby in a failed attempt at drowning your nervousness with a nice hot cup of linden tea, when a familiar voice called your name. 

“ _Wanda_?” You called to the red haired woman, standing up to greet her with a hug. 

_“Oh my God!_ How are you?” She hugged you and joined you at the table.

“I’ve been doing good. I was busy with some missions overseas… What about you?”

“We’ve been doing good as well…” You said.

“ _Hmmm_ , why do I feel otherwise?” She softly said, she could read minds but she never did it to you, still she could effortlessly read you as an open book. She had been the first woman that you got closer to after reuniting with Bucky. 

“You never fail to amaze me, you know?” You somewhat melancholically said. 

“So, what’s wrong, love?” She asked you after ordering a tea for herself “You seem really on edge.”

“I can’t lie to you, _you know it…_ ”

“Look, _sweetheart_ , you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but I want to remind you that I’m here for you too. After losing Vis, I was completely lost and destroyed almost to the point of going crazy yet, even when you barely knew me, you were always there for me when I needed it the most.” She said sweetly, touching your hand in a reassuring way. “You’re my friend, so don’t doubt it for a second that I’ll be here for you anytime too.. _I am here_.” Her words reached your core, making your lips quiver and a treacherous tear to slip down.

“I’m hiding something from Bucky and I don’t know what to do with it. I’m afraid about how he would take it.” She could hear the vulnerability on your voice.

“ _Okay_ , is that something that he will for certain not be able to bear or is it something that you think that he will not be able to handle?” She questioned you, effectively making you to actually think about it, almost gasping in realization. “I see that something clicked there,” She matter-of-factly said.

“It _did_ … I think that I might be underestimating him,” you sighed. “It’s just that… he’s been through so much that I’m afraid of becoming the reason for another heartache.” You said taking another sip of your tea. 

[ ](https://ibb.co/BZRmnYg)

[ _**pic by Freepik on pinterest**_ ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/677580706428366834/?nic_v2=1a4EvU2YO)

“ _Well_ , you know that I’m not really an expert in romantic affairs but based on what I know of him… _you’re his world_. He basically worships the ground you walk on. Whatever it is _, I’m sure that he will stand by you._ ” You felt tears stream down your face. “Oh, _hun…_ I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry," she said, rubbing comforting circles on your hand. 

“It's not that, it's just…” you couldn’t form the words. 

“ _Shhh_ … it’s okay.” You took a deep intake of air, wiping your tears, and after some minutes you felt the tea starting to take some effect. “We’re all in this crazy thing called life together. Whatever that you need, you’re not alone.”

“Thank you, Wanda," your voice full of gratitude towards the comforting girl. “I must say that you always know what to say." You lowly chuckled making her smile. 

“What can I say? I have a gift!”

“That you do _, that you do…”_

##  **~~🎀~~**

Your knees weakened in front of the door, a thousand thoughts running inside your head and as your hand lingered on the door knob there was only one person that your heart longed for… _Bucky_. 

“Welcome back! Please, take a seat” Elijah said “How are you feeling today?”

“Not great, as you can see,” you huffed, your irritated eyes telling your story. He nodded in understanding. 

“I’m not gonna keep you waiting any longer. I have your results," he said with a solemn expression. 

“It’s bad news, _isn’t it?_ ” You matter-of-factly said with downcasted eyes and entwined hands resting on your lap with so much strength that circulation got cut short. 

“I have to be honest and clear with you, Mrs. Barnes. Based on the results, there’s at least a 95% high chance of the mass found to be malignant.”

_Your breath hitched_

“However, a biopsy is needed to confirm this. There’s still a small possibility for the mass to be a non cancerous solid tumor.”

_The blood pumped on your ears_

“Cancer?! _I- - I ha.._.I have cancer?” You stuttered. 

“I can’t be certain of that yet, at this point we must do the biopsy in order to confirm it. And then, we’ll go from there. But I want you to rest assured that once we know, we’ll work on this together.”

_Everything faded away_

You half heard what he said, as absolute dread travelled up and down every cell in your body. Nothing was written in stone yet, but the sea of possibilities was shattering you. There was _so much to do yet, so much to see, so much to enjoy…_ Elijah was always the wiser one, he gave you an understanding beyond what words could explain. That was probably why he was such a recognized doctor, besides his ample medical expertise that was. His written detailed instructions gave you peace of mind that you had what you needed by the time that you got out of the haze.

##  **~~🎀~~**

_Shaking_

That’s how Bucky found you in the kitchen later that day. You can’t recall when you got home or at what time you did so. There was no point in delaying the inevitable, no matter what the results would be, he was the man you loved, he deserved to know. And you could no longer keep your bubbling emotions under wraps. You were a ticking bomb about to explode any time now, so he needed to be ready to handle the aftermath of that.

The moment you saw him cross through the doors, his warm smile and kind love-filled eyes were the only thing that you needed. You threw your hands around his neck, uncontrollably sobbing on. 

“Hey, _doll_ … what happened?” He softly said utterly startled by your sudden outburst. He felt his heart constrict in pain at seeing you in such dire state “What’s going on? _Talk to me…_ ” He begged you, only to be eclipsed by your loud cries, all the pent up anxiety being let out in his arms. 

_Minutes, hours_

You didn’t know how long it passed, he simply held you in his comforting arms. He let you bury your head in the crook of his neck and mold your body into the welcoming warmth of his chest. When your cries turned into sniffles, you found yourself snuggled with him into the couch. Yet, he didn’t pressure you to open up, he just lovingly stroked your hair and dropped butterfly kisses at the crown of your head.

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

[GIF by **afarozcuruh**](https://afarozcuruh.tumblr.com/post/171087299237/we-need-to-hug)

_“I’m sorry…_ ” you finally said. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, love. I’m here for you, _whatever it is_ …” The moment he said that, Wanda’s words echoed on your mind. 

> _‘...you are his world. He basically worships the ground you walk on. Whatever it is, I’m sure that he will stand by you…’_

“Oh, Bucky,” you moaned, “ _...if only you knew.”_ You said still tightly pressed against his chest, his shirt soaking wet with your tears.

“Then, why don’t you try me and tell me? _Huh_?!” He softly said, lifting your chin with his finger. Your red rimmed eyes and tear strained cheeks further breaking his heart. 

“ _Okay_ …” You said barely above a whisper as you shifted in his embrace so that you could look him in the eyes. “Before I do… please promise me that you will try to understand me,” you said, gulping down the glass of water he gave you.

“Of course!” He said without hesitation giving you the final push you needed to be honest with him, his love was your strength. 

“Please, believe me _Bucksie_ , I didn’t mean to keep this quiet for so long,” Now your words were sinking in, all these days, the missed calls, the mysterious appointments and your unusual nervousness, you were once and for all ready to unveil it all. Yet, his calm and charming expression never faltered.

“Do you remember the last time, when you inquired about Elijah’s missed calls?”

“Elijah, your Gyno… _yeah_ I do. Why? What does he have to do on all of this?”

“I just came back from seeing him again,” for some reason, the way you were saying this rang bells of the wrong kind inside him, why would you need to see him again? Then his heartbeat began to behave erratically. “My test’s results came back. _Someth_...” your voice broke, “... _something showed up on them.”_

He grabbed your hand into a tight reassuring grip. His throat went dry in anxious expectancy, _tests, doctors, results… he could put 2+2 together._

“Hey, _love_...look at me please,” he said cupping your cheeks, as a fresh batch of tears pooled in your eyes. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m your husband, I vowed to be with you _for better, for worse, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.._. _remember_?!” He added pouring down all of his love into each word, an unexplainable wave of peace blanketed you. He loved you, you loved him. “Nothing that you tell me now would ever change my love nor the way that I see you. I am here, _doll_. _I love you_.”

“I love you too, _my love_...” He quickly pecked your lips before dropping one of the most purest forms of kisses, a lingering caress atop of your forehead.

“ _Elijah_ …” At the mention of his name, his ears perked up “He said that my mammograph showed an abnormal mass on my breast… _he said…_ ” You paused wiping a few stray tears “There’s a 95% chance of it to be cancer and I have to have a biopsy done to confirm it.” You said, all of your fears belatedly let out in the open, your naked soul for him to see, _to behold._

_You gasped_

He swiftly pulled you tight against him, as if fearing that if he let you that he would lose you. Suddenly, _your fears became his own_ , your anguish and agitation cursed through his veins and your affliction struck his heart. _His love, his woman, his world was suffering._

“When is the appointment for the biopsy?” He said with strong determination, he would be there for you, there was no room for discussion about that. 

“In three days.”

“ _Okay, okay.._.that’s no problem. We’ll go together then and I’ll hold your hand the entire time.” You felt like breaking all over again at the tender affection that he was showering you with.

“Why aren’t you mad at me? When I kept this from you?” You asked him turning your head up to look him in the eyes, dumbfounded at his lack of an irksome reaction, but guilt-ridden for having kept him in the dark about it. 

“ _What_?!” For the first time since you started talking this day, a frown etched on his face “Why would I get angry at you over this?” Deep confusion shone through his eyes. 

“Because I didn’t tell you this before?!”

“Oh, _sweetheart_ …” He sighed , rubbing soothing circles on your back “I knew that something was afflicting you, but I didn’t want to push you to tell me. I knew that whenever you felt ready for it, you would tell me. And you just did, didn’t you?” He said with adoration filled eyes, that moment you fell in love all over with him again “So, _now_ please stop thinking of that and let’s focus on the next steps, ok?” _What was there left to say?_ You simply nodded before kissing him with all you got, pouring every ounce of the love and passion that you felt for him, an apology and a thank you, a thousand promises of a never ending love story and a hope for the future. 

##  **~~🎀~~**

_The day came by faster than expected._

This time, you were not alone, after letting Bucky in, he never left your side. He remained your rock. You had been welcomed and prepared by Jake, the same imaging technician from the last time, yet this time around your exam would be conducted by the radiologist. You now lay on the bed, your nerves at the edge of collapse, the only safeguard being the strong hand of your caring husband holding yours. 

_The doors opened up_

“Welcome Mrs. Barnes! My name is [Michael](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F50524827058934347%2F&t=Zjg3MzY5NjJiNTI2NTU3NzlhNTNiMzY2OTU2NGYyZjE5NzhkNjIxOSw5MzQ0ZGZhN2QwNGY3ZTFjMzU5ZDA2YTM4MGU2YWFhZmYzZDJiOGQy&ts=1603397541), I’ll be conducting your biopsy today. Please, turn slightly to the side” He helped you to get into the right position “Very good, now I’m gonna inject you with a local anesthetic into the skin and a bit deeper into the breast, this will numb the area around where we will perform the biopsy.” He carefully explained as he took out the instruments. 

You winced when you felt the needle prick your skin followed by a mild stinging sensation but his soothing voice, your Bucky’s voice, was the balsam to care for your wounds. Once the radiologist made sure that the area was ready he proceeded to locate the mass with the ultrasound. Once done, a very small nick was made to the skin right where the biopsy needle was going to be inserted. 

_You didn’t look at it_

Your eyes remained locked with Bucky’s, nothing but love and admiration shining through them. A small discomfort filled your chest area as the fine needle recovered the tissue sample needed for the test, and Bucky lovingly kissed your free hand the entire time. Once it was complete, pressure was applied to the nick on the skin to stop the short bleeding caused by the withdrawal. After which a small dressing was applied. 

“All done Mrs. Barnes. You might experience swelling and bruising but that can be treated with regular over the counter pain medication and the use of ice packs, but you should avoid any kind of strenuous activity for at least the next 24 hours. However, please get in touch with your head physician in case of any excessive bleeding and swelling, redness or heat in the breast,” Michael explained as you got dressed. 

“How long will it take to get the results for this?” You asked.

“Once we hand this sample over to the pathologist, it can take an estimated between 4-14 business days top to have the results sent over to your doctor.”

“Thank you for everything,” Bucky said, shaking his hand. 

That day, Bucky drove you back home in utter silence. A never ceasing lump stuck in your throat, your mind drifting away into the unknown and him suddenly overcome by a feeling of absolute powerlessness. He wished to rip away all cause of your pain just to see your beautiful smile back on, but that would take a lot of time and patience.

_It took less than an hour before it all turned into a waiting game._

##  **~~🎀~~**

_5 long days_

That’s how long it had been after the test. Each passing day added more anxiety and nervousness to the excruciating wait. True to the doctor's word, your breast remained bruised for the whole week, only being soothed by Bucky’s very attentive aftercare and the painkillers that he got you from Dr. Helen Cho. Whatever they really were, they worked like magic on you. But now it was your mind, the one playing hurtful games with you. 

_You told Bucky_ , and a huge weight was lifted from your shoulders. You never doubted that you had a wonderful man as a husband and he made all the efforts to prove it to you every day, not that you need him to do so, for you already knew the gem he was. But now, as the day of truth came closer and closer by the minute, every little insecurity that you ever had about yourself came back in full force. And the _what ifs_ shook your core again. 

> _‘What if it was cancer? What if they had to do surgery? What if the treatment involved chemotherapy? Will I lose my hair? Will I lose a lot of weight? Will I get sicker? Will I die?...’_

Countless questions overcame you, from a rightfully pertinent question that Elijah should answer, to the most nonsensical thoughts crossed your mind. And none of them did you dare to voice them out loud to your husband. After your last talk, there wasn’t really any rational explanation behind what you were thinking or feeling, you were just too overwhelmed to function normally. It felt like an overcharged power outlet about to explode, but instead of letting that pressure go, it was being all bottled up.

_You were pushing him aside_

There was no hiding the very noticeable changes that you were already experiencing even before the diagnosis. You no longer danced and laughed as you used to do before. You were no longer the outspoken woman you were before, now silence filled your days as your mind drifted away. Everything that you ever dreamt of now started to crumble down in front of your eyes. The white picket fence life that you had just started to build with Bucky; you hadn’t even gotten a pet, you didn’t have any children, _would you even be able to have kids after this? Would you even get the chance to try? What if you couldn’t give him the family he always wanted and deserved?_ Out of nowhere you felt a heavy weight being dropped on you and further crashed your already cracked emotions.

“Hey _Doll_ , do you want to watch a movie?” Bucky said as you just stood there, unmovable with a glass of water in hand. “No? Okay, then what about we order some take out from your favorite place and have lunch outside?” You shook your head again. “ _Hmmm_.. maybe some ice cream and chocolate cake then?” He was doing his best to distract you from what he knew were soul crashing thoughts and whirlwind emotions, but he seemed to be failing at it “ _Okay_ , then… Do you want me to cook something for you?” Then you cracked.

“Stop Bucky! _JUST STOP!_!” You screamed, throwing your now empty glass against the floor, effectively breaking it in a thousand pieces. Something that finally seemed to bring you out from your haze. You gasped in realization at what you had done, tears streaming down your face. “Oh my God… _Buck_ , I’m sorry! _I’m so so so sorry_! I didn’t mean to!” You panicked as you watched him sigh and walk away to bring the the broom and dustpan. 

“Careful, _babe_ , just stay here, okay?!” He softly said, making you sit down again as he carefully cleaned up the mess until he was done. You were a sniffling chaos, then you felt his arms. “ _Sshhh_ , it’s okay, my angel. Let it all out, don’t hold anything back” He comfortingly said. “What’s going on inside that little head of yours, _huh_?! Can’t you let me in there? Can’t you let me share the pain with you?” He asked almost like a whisper, you didn’t know whether he consciously or not voiced them out, but the imploring tone in his voice told you that he didn’t expect to hear any answers. 

_“I’m sorry, I really am…_ I didn’t mean to shut you off again,” you cried. 

“I said that aloud, didn’t I?” You nodded, a ghost of a smile on as he longingly caressed your cheeks, “Let’s go for a drive, would you like that?” 

“Yes, I’d like that.”

A few minutes later you were admiring the ethereal beauty of the coast, the cold breeze filling your lungs and refreshing your skin. It was the first time that you were going out of the house in a long time. He knew you so well, he took you to your favorite spot together, a small secluded place that he used to take you whenever you were feeling down over something, if you had any fights or just because he wanted to share some time with you. You got out of the car and stood there, just listening to the ocean crash on the shore. 

“ _Thank you_ ,” you said. 

“I’d do anything for you, you know it, right?” You felt your heart ache at his words. You realized now, just how much you had put him through and yet, he didn’t complain. 

“When Elijah told me it could be cancer my world shattered apart, _Bucky_ ," you began. This needed to be said, he just listened attentively to your every word, nodding every now and then. “I couldn’t think of anything but the endless probabilities presented to me, we’re just married...we don’t even have a dog!” You bitterly chuckled “And out of nowhere it was all snatched away from me with a single word. I know that it has not been confirmed yet, but the chances of it being just a scare are almost nonexistent… and I feel it too, my body--I know it better than anyone else, this is not good _Bucksie_ and I’m afraid.” His eyes locked into the expanse of your pain-filled orbs, his hands lovingly and strongly entwined with yours.

“I’m afraid that I’ll change and that I might lose you before I've even really had you, I’m afraid of what we could never have. Will this take me away before I’m ready? I’m afraid of not being able to give you the family that you want and deserve… _did you know?_ Chemotherapy treatments often have a high impact on women’s fertility, if I have to get it _\--I, I might never have kids.._.you’d be alone again.” This was the last undoing, one of your biggest fears… _leaving him alone._ You found yourself in his awaiting arms. _He was your home, your love, your lifeline_ , without him you wouldn’t be able to do this.

“ _ **No matter what, I’m not giving up**_ _,_ " he said in a cracked voice without letting you go. “You lived on my dreams probably longer than you think. So many times when I felt that I couldn’t carry on… _it was your face what gave me strength._ Now that I have you, _I’m never letting you go, Doll...”_ he said, reluctantly untangling himself from the tight embrace just to cup your face and to look straight into your eyes. “ ** _You’re my world_** and ** _I’ll love you till my last breath,_** nothing and nobody will ever change that. You already gave me a family, _you_. If we can be together for the rest of our lives, just the two of us, then so be it. We’ll adopt a dog, a cat, a bunny… whatever you want. _God_! I will build a whole farm just for you. Kids? If that’s what your heart wishes for, then we’ll adopt a baby together too! I don’t care if we don’t share the same DNA, I’d love them the same as if they were. We have a lot of love to give... _We’ll do this together_ ,” he said the last words with tears of his own, making all of your fears disappear into thin air. 

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

[GIF by **sensuous**](https://sensuous.tumblr.com/post/155941548246)

_Suddenly, the future seemed brighter, safer. He sealed his promise with an earth shattering kiss that synchronized your hearts into a single heartbeat._

##  **~~🎀~~**

##  **_New York, October 2024_ **

_It was time to know the truth_

You both drove in silence. That morning he'd woke you up with breakfast in bed like he often used to do, your favorite plates personally cooked by himself with a fresh rose on the tray and a lingering kiss. You would be lying if you said that everything was good, because it wasn’t. You have both talked a lot more after that pleasant afternoon at the beach, both of you were deeply anxious and nervous about the results, but the burden was now shared. ‘In sickness and health’, the vows that you were now honoring and living for, a stumbling rock on your way that you were both driving around together and that you were sure would only make your marriage stronger.

> _“Be Strong, girlfriend! 😘💖” ~Wandy💕~_

Wanda’s text put a smile on your face too, a few days into your desperation you finally confided in her and it was one of the best decisions that you ever made (after marrying Bucky, of course). And she helped you a lot to keep yourself more grounded than you were before, and she proved to be an incredible source of support.

_Now, it was time to face reality._ The smell of antiseptic filling your nostrils, your knee bouncing as you awaited for your name to be called in and your heart making a leap in the air when it happened.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Atkins!” You greeted him. 

“Welcome Mrs. Barnes! I see that you finally brought company. Is this the famous Mr. Barnes?” Elijah wondered. 

“Yes, that would be me! James Barnes, a pleasure to meet you Doctor," he said kindly exchanging pleasantries. 

“Likewise, I’ve heard a lot of good things about you. And I’m glad to see that she brought you with her. This is a crucial part of any diagnosis, to know that the patient counts with a great support group definitely makes a difference,” he said as Bucky attentively listened to his every word. 

“Can you tell me now, please?” You rushedly said, feeling Bucky’s hand cover yours, his warmth contrasting to the coldness that erupted on your skin as your nerves toyed with you. 

“That’s what we’re here for...” he paused, setting some papers in front of you. “I’m sorry to inform you that the results came back positive. The mass is indeed cancerous and we must start treatment as soon as possible,” he said effectively punching all the air out from your lungs, freezing you in place, Bucky’s hold on your hand tightening. “Do you want me to continue?” He looked back and forth between Bucky and you. You looked at Bucky with an affirmative nod. 

“Please, carry on,” Bucky said, Elijah nodded taking a deep breath before continuing. 

“Okay, well we'll work with an interdisciplinary team of specialists that will come up with the best treatment plan for you. First I’ll refer you to my colleague, [Dr. Baker](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F21040323246053560%2F&t=OGZkNTliOWYzNzliMTQ3M2FiNzA0ZDg1MTBlNTFkYTNmNWM4MjVkYSw0MDg3NmZhN2E2NTAzYTc5YjZlNjM3ZjQ3Mzk5YTliMWY4ODVjNjQz&ts=1603397541), he’s a medical oncologist and one of the best in the field. Based on my initial assessment of the results, this is an early diagnosis and it's in the initial stages, so it can be treated with mild radiation and probably a complementary drug therapy.”

“Does that mean chemotherapy?” Fear laced in your voice. 

“Not necessarily. Drug Therapy could be chemotherapy, immunotherapy, or targeted therapy, depending on your specialist’s suggestion. But for your case in particular, he could refer you to hormonal therapy instead.”

“We want to have kids, Elijah… _Will we--??_ ” You personally asked him, dropping all honorary titles, he gave you a knowing look.

“ _Will you be able to get pregnant?_ I don’t see a reason why not, at this point an aggressive treatment is not prescribed as to directly affect your fertility but we can work on an alternative approach to aid you in the process. However, I suggest you openly discuss these concerns with Dr. Baker as well so that he can take all of that into consideration when assigning the right treatments," he explained. “But, please rest assured that we’ll come up with the best plan for you. I’m gonna be here with you at every step of the way and we’ll do our best to clear up all doubts and questions that you have.” As he said the last words, it all dawned you.

_Suspicions, tests, diagnosis, treatments, cancer..._

You had cancer, of what you could gather from everything that he said, it had been discovered on time so there was hope, but nothing was set in stone. So, you finally broke down, _you cried…_

“I’m gonna give you some time and I’ll be back to discuss further details,” Elijah said with a courteous nod exiting the office, leaving the two of you alone in the silence of his room.

Bucky immediately caught you, burying your face into his chest as his arms worked as a protective shield around you. You could hear his own heart wildly pounding inside his chest and the wetness of his own tears soak through your hair. 

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

[ _**gif by ellen on pinterest**_ ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F81557443241045232%2F%3Fnic_v2%3D1a4EvU2YO&t=NTViNTNhNjAwNTIwZTQwZDAyNDk3ODdhYjg1MzEzNzVjZTE2MjJhZSw5NjNhOTE3NjkyYmQyN2U0MDU1MmMyY2M2NzQ0NTcwZWZiYWFiMTZk&ts=1603397541)

You confirmed it, now you knew and you would be able to get on the right path but it didn’t erase the uncertainty that came with it. It didn’t take you down from the emotional roller coaster that you just had jumped on and it didn’t dissipate the fog clouding your future. But Bucky was there with you, sheltering you with his love and giving you his strength, never leaving your hand. 

**_You were not giving up_ **

**_You were together on this_ **

**_No matter what_ **

##  **~~🎀~~**

**A/N: Thank You very much for reading!** Writing this was a rollercoaster of emotions for me but I do not regret it! I’m sorry that the ending is uncertain, but I believed it was the best one, sometimes life throws us a curve that shake us up to the core. This fic intended to show that... the initial stage of a process filled of ups and downs and the impact it has on the carrier and their families. With that said, there are a few things that I’d like to point out now.

**One** : _**The way that the “reader” of this story reacts to the news and behaves throughout the whole fic is not meant to be taken as the way all patients do.**_ And it’s mostly based on my own personal recollection of personal experiences and research done online. Everyone is different and not everyone is super positive in life especially when facing this kind of diagnosis. In the case of breast cancer, multiple studies show that a high percentage of women experience a lot more of negative feelings and emotions, despair and self esteem issues than they do a positive attitude and in fact many of them will face initial periods of denial and depression. And also the role that individual personality and faith plays/affects the recovery process. In the case of this reader, she is driven by anxiety and the fears of the uncertainty about their future, yet she finds comfort and strength to carry on in the love and understanding of her husband.

**Two** : _**Unfortunately, not everyone has been blessed with the same support group as shown on this fic.**_ Not every woman has a caring “ _Bucky_ ” and a loyal “ _Wanda_ ” in their lives so they face a lot, if not all, of the process with a weak or a non existent supportive partner, family and/or friends. Same goes for the doctors on charge of their cases, not everyone has an understanding team of professionals taking in consideration their emotional needs, but again, _everyone has a different experience._

##  **_Most importantly,_** as women ( _and men too!_ ), if you ever have even the slightest suspicion of something being wrong do not hesitate to visit your doctor and remember to always do your self-exam and annual check up .[THIS PAGE HERE for the BREASTCANCER.ORG](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.breastcancer.org%2F&t=MTA2ZmQwNzUxMTFkNGFmOWYwZmQxOGM5ZTkzZTYwNjRhY2UyY2Y2Nyw2MjQ2ZGY1MThmMWE3OGZiODc0ODE1NGQ2MDhkNDkyZWRmNmM4OGFi&ts=1603397541) , has tons of useful information about EVERYTHING you need to know related to breast cancer... you are NOT alone!!

##  **_Thanks for your support!_** **💖💖💖**

##  **~~🎀~~**


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